The official flexing comp of the Tour Down Under.
It’s the race within the race. As the competition heats up on the road, it heats up in the sleeves as well. We had six entries to the Gun Show competition this year. Some by choice and some not knowing what the hell they were getting themselves into. With an independent panel of judges, the guys have been officially scored, and only one will bear the honour of TOP GUN of the Tour Down Under, and have his photo proudly displayed on the coffee machine in the press room. Without further ado, lets present our panel of judges to you.
First up is Dave Everett, commonly knows as Shoddy Dave. Riders who can understand his questions through the most NORTHERN F-ING ENGLISH ACCENT ever may or may not have been forced to answer questions like “Who opened their lunch box?”
Second we’ve got Loren Rowney, one of the toughest chicks past and present from the Women’s World Tour. Don’t let that rose fool ya. Nicknames include Lozz, Rown-dog, and Merry-go-Rowney.
Our last judge is Tony the Barista from Vespa Espresso. He’s basically the number one reason press come to the TDU. He holds all the power in the press room, and has Adelaide’s finest coffee. Check him out Instagram: @vespaespresso
Without further ado, lets get to the entries:
DAVE EVERETT: Hulk all the way. The Bruce Banner of the Peloton. 8/10.
TONY THE BARISTA: Bit of a macho man there isn’t he? Still a solid 7/10 though. at least its got effort.
LOREN ROWNEY: What can we say about Alex. Clearly all that bacon and Kung Fu is paying off. Well balanced biceps and triceps on both sides. 6/10.
Total Score: 21/30
DAVE EVERETT: I may start being a little bit more respectful to Jay when I meet him. Especially on Australia day after a few beers, those guns look like they re ready to punch an irritating englishman. One lean mofo. 9/10.
TONY THE BARISTA: Great balance. definitely a winner. He comes and gets coffee from me a lot too. Follows me on Instagram. 9/10.
LOREN ROWNEY: Looks like jays left arm is a wee bit stronger looking than the right. Guessing he is a lefty and has been without his hot fiancee Kerrie of late. 7.5/10.
Total Score: 25.5/30
KOEN DE KORT
DAVE EVERETT: I’m wondering if this is the pose that Koen pulled to entice his wife when they first met. The wink certainly does it for me. 8/10.
TONY THE BARISTA: Lots of effort. Lots of commitment. Does that transfer to his cycling? Sorry I’m just the barista….9/10.
LOREN ROWNEY: The new colours suit Koen and I think definitely bring out the gun in the gun show. 7/10.
Total Score: 24/30
DAVE EVERETT: Forearms are looking… well used. Its as if its a family bucket of KFC chicken taped together. But what’s the secret spice? 8/10.
TONY THE BARISTA: Is it bicep or forearm competition? Or is it can you do the best loch ness monster? 7.5/10.
LOREN ROWNEY: Has some serious forearm action going on in this picture. You can tell by the angles he has done this before. Probably in a flex off with Carlee Taylor. 7/10
Total Score: 22.5/30
DAVE EVERETT: I’m intrigued to know what he’s pointing at, its either that or its a crap shadow swan impression. 8/10.
TONY THE BARISTA: He’s not exactly showing the guns, its more about him. Which way is the Hilton? 6/10.
LOREN ROWNEY: Rusty buddy. Stick to bike racing… Or maybe work on the angles a bit. This photo ain’t doing nothing for the gun show. 5/10
Total Score: 19/30
DAVE EVERETT: Points for sponsor awareness. We can all see you using your arm, don’t think you’ve got us fooled. But what can we expect from a man who wears black socks with white shoes. 5.5/10.
TONY THE BARISTA: He’s a bit cheeky there isn’t he. He actually struggles to pick up the coffee cup so he’s gone down to Macchiatos. His tattoo doesn’t make him look any tougher. 6/10.
LOREN ROWNEY: Gone for the natural looking approach. Clearly a climber with those kinda spaghetti arms. I dub him the Beretta nano. 4/10
Total Score: 15.5/30
And our overall winner is…… JAY MCCARTHY! Narrowly beating out Koen de Kort by just 1.5 points, Jay you have won this badge of honour and your winning photo will proudly be displayed on Tony the Barista’s machine from tomorrow afternoon, for a window of 24 hours. To all our brave competitors, thanks for entering (Especially Rohan, Alex, and Mike who may not have known they were entering….)
Stay tuned for the women’s edition, out later this week.